BlackNightWolf

The Move

2009-08-13T02:04:00.000-07:00

Just wanna say I've moved. Any blog posts or my life status as of any point in time will be all posted in my LJ site or dA site. LJ = LiveJournal. dA = deviantArt.

If anyone wants to view, as said on my friend's dA page - "ask and 'ye may get"; but at this point I doubt anyone will do so *shrugs*

People say family's the most important in the world but right now, I'm thinking money is at the same level as the universal belief on family. But I guess he won't understand my reason, right? *shrugs*

Though Val won't be reading this 'cos I post my entries elsewhere but just would like to say to her->

Poor Val. She's been in some shit lately. Me too. I'm not in deep shit but I have lots of things weighing on my mind.

I'd like to thank her. Thank you for your support, epic rants, hearing me out and never leaving me alone for too long, texting me right from NZ (even in the middle of the night at one time). :D

I'd be there for you when you need me - and you're the first person I've ever and maybe the only person in my life at this point I would say to. And, I cross my fingers we'll meet one day, soul-sibling (I guess I'm adapting to your theory afterall :p)

Plus, less than 30 days until Sep 10, premiere of Supernatural Season 4 with their awesome brothers and growling rebel angel. I could just scream. >.<

Just checkin' in ...

2009-07-23T01:27:00.000-07:00

I think I could just about say that this blog is DEAD. Updates of my life can be seen in my dA page which I believe one overseas friend, Val only read and answer. Man, it is so nice when someone listens. For once, someone listens to me instead of me listening to them. Of course, it works both ways between me and Val since we have lots and I mean LOTS of common ground between us. I am thankful I found someone like her. We even went as far to spam each other's dA, Facebook, msn, Youtube, Livejournal, email pages with replies to each other and exchange hp no. (which we won't use unless for some emergency announcement). I swear we have the same minds and she could be my muse for starting me up on editing videos for myself again.

Right about now, I have a few mediums that I work on. Some of them have my creations or recent status. They are:
- Twitter (I think I'm finding my humour and sarcasm back with it)
- Facebook (Stop the Mafia War Family requests. I dun play any games except quizes)
- dA aka deviantArt (My "art" work, poems, unfinished stories are there. I'll also be updating longer posts of my recent status there)
- Youtube (My self-made videos. Non of them for official competition. Doing out of fun and non-profit)
- LiveJournal (Once I find inspirations, I'll finish my SPN DeanXSam fanfic in one go and post it there)

I'm not saying I won't look here but I'll drop in now and then and add a post or something if I feel like it. But really, posting to a zero audience is just sickening. I think I'll just go get some recognition and gain some friends through my work and common hobbies online. Last of all, I would like to announce that I'm utterly OBSESSED with SUPERNATURAL and officially a MishaMinion (Misha Collin plays the angel, Castiel in Supernatural). I practically "stalk" Misha on Twitter and I'm certain if I meet him in person, I'll be smiling like an idiot.

And, this is why I just adore this actor. He has Twitter which I follow him, great sense of humour and he gives us fans such heart-attacking fan-service. This is why we all love the man:

Misha in Yoghurt by ~darkwings08 on deviant ART

My latest work, "One Last ...". A CasXDean "Promo/Trailer", "Dean/Castiel" video entry for Rockies07's Anything Goes Contest on Youtube. First SPN fanvid ever and dedicated to Val:

Dribble

2009-07-11T20:19:00.001-07:00

I know I decided to extend my internship 'cos I wanted to do the behind-the-scenes for Kelvin Tong's movie but somehow I wish I could end this internship sooner. It's really boring at my workplace. I have nothing to do. There's no work to be done. My LO requested me to make an August calendar and I sent her a draft but she hasn't gotten back to me. It's been a week already.

Thankfully, my fan-friend, Val from NZ, tagged me on her latest video. Her latest video featured 5 facts about herself. She tagged me so I would do one too. It seems fun and I felt that I could incorporate some Supernatural ep scenes in it so I'm taking up the challenge. As to who I'll tagged in my own video (which I'm calling "Tagged, I'm IT"), I doubt there's anyone since I have less contacts in the Youtube account.

Thanks to Supernatural and dA, I found a friend, who's name is Val, who's the same age as me, who's female, who has the same hobbies (including yaoi), who's from overseas, who's bisexual, who surprisingly is in the same line as me (film sch), who has a good sense of humour, who's open and easy to talk to. The down side is we're so many kilometres of sea apart. She's from New Zealand. I'm from Singapore.

As a result, I always grasp what time it is over there whenever I'm talking to her over msn. The fun thing is sometimes we abuse dA or Facebook to hold our conversation. And, we have no qualms about leaving each other offliners about interesting videos or news, like she provided the link to downloading "Save Me". Managed to download it and watch it. Thanks and love 'ya, woman. (Hopefully, I don't become too clingy as I may tend to -.-)

"Save Me" left me pondering for quite some time after the movie. It's rather scary seeing some religious group being so confident of what their religious book says and never doubting it. They keep to their way and insist that it is the right way. Thankfully, this movie had a happy but sad ending. And, ultimately, it shows that what's most important in the end is not letting people's (religious, etc.) opinions lead how you live your life, but being true to yourself. Of course, do the right thing while you're staying true to yourself.

Recently, I viewed the pictures the SPKC Club took when they went for the Suki Sushi Buffet. I saw the pictures and thought to myself, "Oh, I should have gone." Well, technically, I could if I want to since I'm not a fan of swimming but the common issue here was money. I was surviving on less than $100 for the month of July. My 20 day work day meals are all included in the $100.

I bought a Supernatural Season 3 DVD so I was left with $100. It's always money, money, money. I don't get to keep my ATM 'cos my mum is worried I'll spend the money unwisely. Therefore, I lie quite often to say I have enough money. I think that in future I'll stop thinking about whether I'll even get a chance to fall in love (which recently I dun seem to care about it anymore so that's really great) but think about making as much money as I can. Lovers leave; lovers break but money stays and makes the world go round.

Over and over in my head

2009-06-26T02:03:00.000-07:00

Just have some things I'm contemplating and turning over and over in my head:

- I'm wondering how I'm gonna get through this internship. I'm rather tired of repeated routines of coming to work from Monday to Friday and resting on weekends. I'm starting to understand how Sam feels when he had to witness Dean dying so many times. It becomes a little scary at first, then rather old.

- The aching at my lower spine is annoying me. I hope cycling on Sunday won't aggravate it since it will take some strain on my back while I cycle.

- It's even more annoying that I can't totally erase him out of my mind. He's at the back of my head. And, when I'm not busy thinking about something, his issue pops into the front. The fact that my thoughts fly to his direction is eating me up inside.

- I think internship was a valuable experience. If it hadn't exist, I wouldn't be touching Finalcut Pro and learning how to edit. Okay, I've done simple edits like an anime amv with WMM and I've posted it on my Youtube account.

- Somehow, I can't not do these few things when I turn my laptop on: Check who's online (with no intention to start any conversations), check email, check Twitter, check Facebook and check dA.

- Great thanks to Misha Collins for having a Twitter account and made me create one to "stalk" him. I've fallen in love with the damn gadget and the more sarcastic and nonsensical side of me is showing up more and being used as content for my Tweets.

- I was watching some Supernatural fanvids on Youtube when I realised that Jared Padalecki has a nice butt.

- It's scary to know that in my earlier years, I have actually seen Jensen Ackles in his earlier roles like Eric Brady in Days Of Our Lives and Smallville as Jason Teague. It's incredible that I actually hate his character in Smallville because he was in the way of Clark and Lana's relationship.

- I feel the urge to make a Supernatural fanvid of CasXDean after hearing some songs that fit them. However, I don't have the clips.

- It's not exactly a comforting thought that there's only me and a friend so far who's interested in joining a Phillips TVC competition. I haven't heard his idea yet. I hope the idea doesn't mutate into something lame. I really hate it when what one thinks is funny isn't funny to others. At all.

- I've realised that my 19th birthday falls during the school holidays this year. I'm thinking whether anyone would remember and ask to celebrate. At all. I can bet and I'm preparing for myself that only my family are the ones that will celebrate it with a dinner, cake and presents. (It's not like anyone actually reads my blog too so yeah, I'm like unnoticed wallpaper)

- Then, there's the case of thinking about how solitary my life is. Never in love. Never experienced the fun, joy or sadness in a relationship. I have no one that can support me emotionally. Lucky ever since the start of internship, I've been unusually cheerful and optimistic. Well, that's a thought. I'm supposed to get strong. How much stronger independently? That, I'm not sure.

Phew. That's a lot going on in my head. I think if thoughts were like real mini characters, they would be throwing a party in my mind and amusing themselves with randomly presenting themselves to the front of my mind. They're lucky I'm not a real meanie or I'll kick their hide if I actually, physically could.

Father's Day 2009

2009-06-24T22:14:00.000-07:00

Celebrated Father's Day 1-2 weeks ago. Finally uploaded my part of the photos on Facebook and on picasa. The celebration was done at the Singapore Flyer and New York, New York. My half older sis, Gail and my aunt Latifah plus my cousin Raffino joined in the celebration. Activities were suggested by Gail and money was came up entirely by everyone except my old man. (It's Father's Day after all) :D

Sweet summer

2009-06-12T01:12:00.000-07:00

It's June and somewhere on the other side of the world, it's Summer. S'pore's not spared for the sun is out and the heat is on, contributing to the surrealism that summer has arrived in the non-seasonal S'pore.

Hence, I'm wearing the Miami GLOW by J LO. I must say ... I think it smells kinda fruity just like sweet summer. Love this perfume along with the rest that was given as a gift from Gail.

Now, it's the 9th(?), 10th(?) week of internship. Last Sunday, I shot the Manja Foodfair 2009 by myself (my boss wasn't there at all). I screwed the white balance and audio. I think I at least have some knowledge of what I should be shooting for such events now. Amazing thing was that I went without food since the morning till evening (having only ate breakfast before shooting). And, then, when I was back in the office on the Monday morning, I got hungry real fast when I hadn't even been doing work. It's like work is the food for the stomach now.

Right now, I'm working on the FHM July Issue 09 TVC with the help of my boss. For two days in a row (today's the 2nd day), I've been seeing frontal, frontal and more frontal ... boobies, boobies and more boobies and lastly, lingeries, lingeries and more lingeries.

I've foolishly keyframed and cropped the images on every single frame, thinking that they must be within the border limits; only to find out that I don't need to do that. My boss pointed out that foolishness and judging from his amused reaction, I think he probably thought I was kinda silly at that time to do that. (At least, I discovered the use of the crop tool on the side toolbar) All the while, I could have spend the time making the TVC as sexy and teasing as can be for the alpha male population.

It's Friday now. Sunday's gonna be Father's Day and my folks are gonna go on the Flyer that day, in which following after that, we're having dinner at n.y.d.c. Yum. And, on Monday, I gotta get back to work on making a 3 min highlight outta Manja Foodfair '09. Jeez ... I can't stand being in the office as much as I'm rather high-spirited and in a well mood during this internship. I'm dying to get out everyday. Hope more events come up so I can get to do some shooting and get more practice on my camerawork skills.

Meanwhile, it's great to hear that Misha Collins has a great sense of humour on the topic of Supernatural slash. I've been watching his panel in the several Supernatural Conventions on Youtube, along with his role in the movie, Karla. And, I'm safe to say that I'm officially a MISHA MINION!! (among the many thousand minions on Twitter) now. ^.^

I-Weekly/ 8 Days Roadshow 2009

2009-05-28T01:53:00.000-07:00

Last weekends, from Friday to Sunday, Plaza Singapura was holding the I-Weekly/ 8 Days Roadshow 2009. I was there as well. My intern company does coverage for the events. I had a chance to shoot the event on Saturday & Sunday for the first time. It was a great learning experience. There was many things to look out for, eg. iris, focus, zoom. On top of that, I had to stay alert to the things happening around and be quick with my fingers on the focus and zoom. Shooting a film and shooting an event eahc has different rules. I also saw some mediacorp artistes and taiwan's singing artistes. Below are the pictures taken from Friday to Sunday. (My boss was kind enough to help me take the last 2 days' pictures while I was shooting):

God damn it

2009-05-27T07:11:00.000-07:00

God damn it. Why for heaven's sake must it be you?
God damn it. What the hell did I see in you?
God damn it. You're perfect yet messed up sometimes
That when it comes right down to it at the very end
You're still the one I can't erase from my very mind
God damn it.

Small thoughts

2009-05-20T02:48:00.000-07:00

Assumptions. Don't get caught up and played around by them. Stop thinkin' too much.

Weekend Recap

2009-05-18T05:41:00.000-07:00

Had a busy and long weekend. Kicking start the long and busy weekend is the SPKC FOC'09; came back on Sunday afternoon at 2pm and then head out again for the 14th Compass Awards'09 my intern co. is working on. Won't be saying anymore of my Weekend Recap but show it in pictures at the end of this post.

Monday afternoon, I woke up at 2pm (my boss gave me the day off) after getting back home at 12 midnight the previous night. It's the first time I slept 'till 2pm and my body pretty much feels like a truck just ran over it. I'm drained physically and slightly mentally because of the camp and some personal awareness issues. But, all's blown away when I loaded the last episode of Supernatural S04: Lucifer Rising and watched its finale.

In addition, I caught up with an overseas friend, Val I made on DA> then Facebook> then Msn; swooned over the last ep and watched the Castiel/Dean (more slash) fanvid she made for me and 2 other people who enjoy this show and is obsessed with the show and the pairings. I'm touched. It's the first time someone's made a video for me; and it's something I really like on top of it.

I think I should do the same for her by writing a Dean/Sam (more slash) Wincest (yaoi) fanfiction for her and let her nose bleed dry in bliss XD

Over & Done with

2009-05-12T01:38:00.000-07:00

The FHM June issue'09 TVC has been finalised. I had done the changes according to the client's request and left the audio part for my boss to handle (since I'm not that well-versed with the audio part).

And, today, I heard from my boss that the updated version of the TVC has been sent and it's finalised. To sum it up, it's over and done with! Woot! Once the TVC is out on broadcast, I'm gonna request a copy of the rendered file from my boss if permitted. My first TVC that I've ever done (with help and mentoring from my boss)!

Can't wait to see the TVC on broadcast It's exciting to see your own work on TV!!

FHM GND June Issue' 09 TVC

2009-05-07T06:50:00.000-07:00

Finally, I'm really doing work at my internship company. Today, I spent the entire day editing and doing effects for FHM GND June Issue' 09 TVC. I had to complete by today, so as I've heard from my boss.

Nearing the completion of the editing, my boss helped me with some editing work and suggested better ways to make the TVC funky and informative. It was my first time using Mac Finalcut to do my first-time editing work and even using it for some simple effects. By the time it's rendered out to be send to mediacorp publishing department for review and clearance, I was really shagged. I even ate only less than half of the sambal fried rice my colleague helped me to buy back.

And, to my bewilderment, I was informed later that more time was given. Yeah ... I felt like I rushed for nothing and really wondered if the work I did on the TVC was good enough. However, it's still good because that would mean that I've completed at least the basis of the work. Now, I just have to adjust and makes changes to the TVC sequence according to the comments or suggestion after the draft TVC has been reviewed.

Although it was tiring and heart-pounding-cum-rushing, it was quite an achievement for someone like me, a first-timer in video editing. The feeling of satisfactory is what makes the work worth it. =D

Internship: Week 2nd

2009-05-04T08:32:00.000-07:00

How time flies... It's now the 2nd Week of Internship. So far, I have been doing cropping and resizing of images with Photoshop. Yeah, it's a little bland ...

Then, there's today, where I was given the task to crop the images for the FHM GND (Girls Next Door)'09 TVC! My morning was spent resizing the images and looking at boobies and bikinis (Yikes!). And, during the late afternoon, I was informed that tomorrow I'll be able to try my hands on editing the FHM GND'09 TVC! I have to think of a way to make it nice and battle-like (for the GNND'09 battle). A little nervous about it. It's all images and it's my first time with a TVC! And, it's gonna be broadcasted nationwide!!

Ganbatte to myself! Yoshi! Ashita, shigoto ganbatte!

Internship Start-toh!

2009-04-28T06:36:00.000-07:00

Had experienced the first two days of internship! I'm attached to DP Productions run by my supervisor cum boss cum director/ producer, Daniel Phoon. There's two of us (me and Daniel) on the Technical side and Annie (in charge of admin stuff), Juliet (aspiring journalist) and Hong Lin (Mass Comm. intern from Ngee Ann Poly) on the Admin. + Events organising side. The place is a 3 in 1, whereby it's not only a production company but also a RedBox Event (organising events) and Club 20 (sth...) (match-making). Cool, isn't it?

For now, things are running slow but projects will soon be coming up like the Compass Awards. I'm told that I'm gonna be able to go there and see how live-coverage is done. Speaking of live-coverage, did I mention that that is NOT taught in Poly?! I'm gonna start from scratch but I'm sure it's a good experience. Ahh ... and Mac Finalcut Pro. I'm gonna learn how to really hands-on edit video.

As for how's my first day was like, it basically went like this:
Reported to work > Met the boss, Daniel > Shown and was impressed by video work done by DP Productions > Learnt that my first 2 days will be slow paced but projects will soon be coming > Learnt how the production system worked > Met 3 other colleagues > Learnt how to use the office phone (which I'm still blur at) > Learn how to open the door and the security system > Lunch together > Had free time, chatted with the admin. side people > Got to know more about some of their plans > Know more about the match-making system > Shared ghost stories > Home

I think some people will o.O at my first day's schedule, esp. Kai An. I read from his blog that his first day was all the way pia ...

I've also learnt that my work is from 9.30am to 6.30pm. There's no work on Saturday & Sundays unless there's projects. The place is in a shophouse. It's cosy compared to what I expected. I had imagined that the place is dim and haunted =.='' There's two floors with a mini staircase running up to the upper floor. The upper floor houses the Admin. + Events organising department and the lower floor (where I am at) houses the Production Co.

As for my 2nd day (today), this was how it went:
Report to work > First to arrive > Had difficulty figuring how to unlock the door > Didn't manage to key security code to disarm alarm within the limited time > TRIGGERED the alarm (!!) > Took out notebook to find out the code > Finally, disarm it but realised that the alarm maybe linked to the boss's hp > Waited for others to come > Read Mac Finalcut Pro Manual for a while > Hong Lin arrives > Found out that the boss did find out about the alarm thing > Found out later that there's only two of us there for the day > Did my own things > Lunch > Did own things some more > Daniel arrived > Helped him with the things needed for Compass Awards > More resizing and extracting using Photoshop > Managed to finish before 6.30pm > Home

The best thing is that I felt that the day went quite well. Somehow, I didn't feel tired doing the work. Maybe it's been a while doing work? It seems that my nervousness before internship started is gone. I was calm on my first day (or maybe I mistook it as numb?). I was able to settle in well and feel more comfortable. And, now, I look forward to the next day of work and the many things I've haven't learn, seen and experienced =D

Jape Tiger

2009-04-24T07:13:00.000-07:00

JAPE TIGER Doll on SOULDOLL website. I want it!! It's so cool. It's a guy too! If I ever had a guy doll, I would call it "Kuro Ran" (Black Wolf) >.<

Ahhh... why Zaki intro the site to me?? Desires are bad. What's more- it's highly unachievable and expensive. The doll model won't exist sooner or later. New models will come out by then =/

2Ss = Suki Sushi + Sheesha

2009-04-15T09:38:00.000-07:00

Had a 2Ss day on Wednesday, 15th April'09. First, I went Suki Sushi @ Cineleisure Orchard for a lunch buffet with the SPKC gang. Hmm ... my outings are always with them. That's more compared to my classmates and other friends. Lol. Oh well, they're fun, enjoy food, loves hanging out and I like them alot. What more can I ask for? Grins*

Senpai Chun Hwee booked 5 places for us- Jin Hui, Baoqiang, Dennis, Me and not forgetting Chun Hwee himself. Dennis was kind enough to pay for me first since I'm not quite loaded at the moment. We ate quite a lot. We tried almost every single dish on the menu, includin Ramen, Soba, Takoyaki, Ebi Fried, Teriyaki Chicken, Salmon Skin, Sashimi, Cold Tofu, Ice-cream, Cream Puffs and of course, Sushi!

After lunch, we met up with Joanne. Though she doesn't train anymore (me included), we people still hang out regularly. Hehe. Fun girl. A little crazy sometimes but nice girl. I had a shock when we met up with her. She had long curls. She looked so pretty and feminine. I repeat FEMININE! She always dressed bunk. Lol. Then, I found out that she went to the salon the day before to do the curly hair extensions with Dennis's company. While she did her hair, Dennis flirted with the person doing the hair for Joanne; so as I've heard from Joanne.

Finally, after walking around Takashimaya's toy section, ate Mac ice-cream, departed with Chun Hwee, debated for our next destination as to go to Changi Airport, Vivo or home; we decided to go Arab Street for Sheesha as suggested by Dennis. It was an interesting and first experience for me. They picked Mango Mint flavor. I got the hang out of it after a few puffs while Jin Hui wasn't too good at it. Meanwhile, from the looks of it, Baoqiang could be your very own what-you-see as a potential smoker and as for Dennis and Joanne? Let's just say, Joanne's a veteran and Dennis is really power!

We also played with poker cards. For the first time, I played Bluff and I was the first one to get out of the game. Yay! We also played Tai Di, which I excused myself out of the game since I'm not familiar and couldn't understand the game. And, we played 1, 2, 3 to 13 card game. It's a game similar to heart attack. I ended up being really bad at it. Slow reflexes. Sigh*

Overall, it was a really fun experience. Lucky, I had my camera with me to capture these fun memories. Really had an absolutely great day and time. I look forward to more fun outings again with these people. And, a great thanks to them for giving me such a good time. Power of the 2Ss = Suki Sushi + Sheesha!!

My brand new digital cam

2009-04-11T07:42:00.000-07:00

Weeeee!!! Finally, I have my own digital camera!! Behold, the Panasonic Lumix FS 6. I'm so thrilled!! The sunset nowadays seems to be more colorful and beautiful (from my 19th storey house); and now, taking pictures of the sunset won't be something impossible. Of course, I can take pictures of many other thigs. I'm gonna bring it wherever I go.

Price: $259
Comes with: Camera case, 8GB SD card
Free gifts: Mini tripod and screen protection
(Special thanks to my friend, Zaidi who helped me out with choosing and bargaining for the camera)

Megapixels: 8.1 megapix
For noobs: iA (Intelligent Auto) mode (I think I may use this often -.-)
Focus: Normal, Macro, Quick AF
Face Detection: Yes
ISO: 1600
(Check out the Panasonic website for more info.)

Lalalalala...

SPKC Sentosa Rekky

2009-03-30T00:10:00.001-07:00

Went to rekky for the games planned for the SPKC FOC'09. Started at 8am and ended at around 1pm. We had a fruitful day; managing to plan out the games to incorporate into this coming event and had fun at the beach. In the mean time, enjoy the pictures. More will be added to it later.

Gears on the move

2009-03-28T07:21:00.000-07:00

It just goes to show that organising stuff is something I like. Of course, that excludes my personal stuff and I'm referring to stuff as in events like camps. I've been involved in planning and preparing for SPKC FOC'09; and hell, I'm hyped up to do more.

I feel like giving the club blog (which I started and neglected later) a makeover! I think I should (help out). Dee's probably having problems, working out how to work the blog.

My gears are active and on the move. It would be nice if this feeling never go away..

I'm not a nice sister

2009-03-24T21:32:00.000-07:00

Found out my 2nd younger Ayam has been talking bad behind my back in her blog. Oh ho. I have words for her. I'm not sure if she fucking knows but when my 1st younger sister tells her to get out or criticises her; I'm not supporting her. I just keep quiet and get out of the way. I never say I like what she does; throwing her temper around. If she noticed, Adek attempts to kick her out of the room many times compared to me.

And, apparently, I don't have the habit of writing my irritation of her playing audition so much on my blog. Well, apparently, maybe I should but I won't. It's wasting time. Also, you got something wrong. I asked if you wanted to use the computer. It wasn't something out of sarcasm. I was really asking you a damn question. You should go learn literature and learn how to interpret words and tone. And, knowing that our folks will chase you to bed, I asked you for the time. Do you think I take notice of what time they chased you to bed? Don't use blah blah as to what I say in your blog. Listen to what people are saying.

Important words for you: I'm not a nice sister. I never was and never will be. Being nice, encouraging, comforting, pretty big sisters like in the overrated tv dramas or movies is not in the package. I got my own set of principles I adhere to. And, yeah you have your hobbies, I have mine; and mum has hers. Most importantly, you're in secondary school; you're still studying; you're not in the least an adult. Hahaha ... consider yourself lucky. You have no idea the things you could get away with, compared to me when I was around your age. Handphone, computer, go out after schools... Not sure if you know, I don't have much friends in Sec 1 & 2. I went out exploring the malls, travel to other stations.

What I have in the end is a lecture about being the eldest, show good example, threat to put me in a foster home and all I can do is keep my anger in my heart but it overwhelmed me and broke me down. Do you want to face the same thing as me? Do you want to cut the back of your wrist as an act of rebellion and an oath to yourself two years from now? The eldest get more tough discipline. Discipline dies down when it comes down to the younger ones. And, you, my dear girl, is a younger one. It's like I set a threshold for the level of discipline; mine being the highest.

To deal with these things I don't like, I became slightly abnormal and I enjoyed it- whatever you name it: watching gay, reading up on the occult (witchcraft), smoking, wanting to be outside in the night, all the things you don't deem normal and you're not open-minded enough to accept. By the way, you should thank me. I started watching anime first. You people followed. I have an annoying time proving that watching anime doesn't get in the way with my studies.

So, say what you want in the blog. I give you permission. Continue playing the audition you love. Deciding on things without using logic and reasoning (like the time you went out early morning just to get on the same bus as your friend and got your folks angry). Remain the righteous child you're always are. I'll get out of the way of interrupting your space and happy time. I think it's about time people stop interfering with you and let you fend for yourself.

Afterall, you're capable of that, right? If consequences arise, let me see the downfall. I've been waiting to see the downfall of someone in the family. It excites me to see someone go down and have a taste of failure. Twisted right? Maybe it's like what I thought to be when I was younger- a child of the Devil, perhaps?

"Everyone's a critic"

2009-03-09T08:21:00.000-07:00

Brian Kinney: "Everyone's a critic."

Oh, so critically and fucking right.

Queers As Folks

2009-03-02T07:09:00.000-08:00

Finished watching the last episode of the homosexual-themed series, Queers As Folks. The ending was bittersweet with the main couple, Brian and Justin deciding to call off the wedding, separate themselves; allowing Justin to create a path for his career in New York and Brian to continue being himself- the playboy and "ass behind the asshole (as quoted by the character Debbie)"; but knowing that without rings and vows, they love each other.

I'm sure many QAF (Queers As Folks) fans are sad over the series' bittersweet ending. I'm not spared either. Though I'm considered a "lag" as Joanne described to discover this series much recently, I feel like I've been watching it for a long time and was saddened to see its ending. What appealed to me was not just the sex scenes, but also the political issues facing homosexuals, lesbians, the conflicts, love, friendship and emotions.

The most applaudable thing are the actors and actresses. Gale Harold who plays Brian is a heterosexual/ straight in reality while Randy Harrison who plays Justin is a homosexual/ gay in reality. It's admirable for Gale Harold to manage to pull off as a gay, arrogant, hot, sexual predator called Brian and act out the sex scenes which I'm sure it isn't easy; considering the sex scene with Randy was at its pilot episode where both actors barely knew each other and wasn't all that comfortable yet.

The couple, Brian and Justin and the show itself will live forever in my heart. There will never be a more sensational couple on screen of a gay drama series. Just like the producers mentioned in their final shoot for the series: "the relationship between Brian and Justin was the first of its kind. You've created a landmark in television.....there will never be another relationship like Brian and Justin in television ever and even if we have it, it's because of the two of you"

As The World Turns: Luke and Noah Story

2009-03-02T03:44:00.000-08:00

Found another soap opera with a gay couple inside. Someone shoot this gay fan girl now. This time it's from the still ongoing soap opera series, As The World Turns. I'm watching the story of the only gay couple, Luke and Noah.

There's certainly no steamy sex scenes (it took about a year in the story timeline for them to get into bed together). Of course, the kisses weren't left out. There's also issues of coming out of the closet (shoot yourself if you don't know what that means). For those peeps who don't know the meaning, it means coming out into the open, normally used in the situations found in television series where people reveal they are gays, lesbians or bisexuals.

What I like is the acting from Van Hansis who plays the character of Luke. I see a similarity between him and Leonardo DiCaprio who played Arthur Rimbaud in the gay movie Total Eclipse. Both are similar to each other in terms of the character's sarcasm and taunting remarks. The agonised and suppressed-emotions facial expressions of the character of Luke is the one that leaves a lasting impression on me. Van Hansis certainly lives up to his reputation of being nominated for two Emmy Awards.

Jeez, look at my remarks; commenting about acting. I guess I'm really drawn into people's acting. Seeing them act with so much emotions and pulling off their roles, makes me want to jump out and get myself into acting... Nah, I haven't got the look. Nowadays, people go for outer appearances. I guess I'll just live that fantasy of being a convincing actor in my mind ... hmm ....

Moments

2009-02-13T20:52:00.000-08:00

"Moments"

Can't forget, can't forget
The precious moments in time
Even if part of them was untrue
Even if part of them was a dream
All i knew was that you're unbelieveable

On that very eve of a special day
You summoned me who had already given up
Even if the summon was for your own reasons
Even if the summon was of no connection to me
All i knew was that you painted colors to my day

On that walkway surrounded by people
Your gentle grip on my arm was real
Even if the touch was for a moment
Even if the touch was of no meaning
All i knew was that you left me disarrayed

In that very room surrounded by players
Your masked dispiritedness was somewhere there
Even if nothing could be detected from your face
Even if nothing could be done from where i stood
All i knew was that i felt the same emotion as you

And in that dream surrounded by strangers
You slipped and entwined my arms into yours
Even if at that moment i showed half-hearted reluctance
Even if at that moment i knew that everything was unreal
All i knew was that where our skin touched it was warm

Those lovely boys

2009-02-09T23:22:00.000-08:00

Fi-nally! Assignments are done! Well, not all but those more xiong ones. What's left are now Production Design Opening Video Sequence and Digital Matte Painting.

Meanwhile, I've been in some "girl-ish" high mood. Why? Because of all those movies featuring those lovely boys playing couples! There's new movies/ series of this genre! There's the Korean movie version of Antique Bakery (my,my ...Ono in this movie is real sexy), Dream Boy (I couldn't wait so I had to read the book ... such violence, pain, conflict and romance) and Verbotene Liebe known as "Forbidden Love" in German (a German soap opera which I only watch partsof it for the Christian X Oliver love story) >.<

And, below are the video links to the shows I mentioned:

Can't wait them to be screened in theatres and premiered the new episodes (Verbotene Liebe). Those lovely boys will just make my day ...

Stress mode, anyone?

2009-02-02T05:30:00.000-08:00

Are you stressed?

Yes, Joanne, with regards to what you asked me while in stress mode yesterday; yup, I somehow ended up falling into stressed mode just now. Lit a stick to ease up. I wonder what the silly guy would just say about it when he hears about it. I guess I'll not tell him =p

In the mean time, I'm craving for Wang Zhai Niu Nai milk. It's the ultimate driving drink. A brain drink. Enough to give me energy boost to chiong work. A breather. Power of Wang Zhai Niu Nai ...

Sanctuary of escape

2009-02-02T05:25:00.000-08:00

She was right. Sharifah that is. The view from behind the bus stop opposite of SP is a great one.

Great to gaze at the sky. Great to smoke. Great to take the mind off. A sanctuary of escape ...

Dare mo

2009-01-28T05:33:00.001-08:00

Nee kimi, wakarimasen ka?

Kimi ha watashi no tokubetsu nakama deshita.

Demo ima kimi ha watashi no tokubetsu nakama jya arimasen deshita.

Ima kimi ha watashi no dare mo arimasen.

Fantastic 4

2009-01-24T03:28:00.000-08:00

Fantastic 4. That's what Jin Hui called ourselves when we went out together again last night. The four of us - me, Jin hui, Haoyu and Gek Poh. Of course, this time there were 2 more guys, Qi Jun and Ronald who joined in.

Why "Fantastic 4"? That's because it's like the 3rd "karate outing" that involves us 4. Sometimes, trying to put together one club outing becomes redundant when the juniors don't reply and we 4 are the only ones who go out. Besides, the situation tallies with the characters of the story of Fantastic 4. 3 guys + 1 girl. Jin Hui is the one with the flaming torch, Haoyu is the elastic guy, Gek Poh is the rocky thing and I'm invisible girl.

Anyway, last night we went out to have dinner at Orchard. We had dinner at Coffee Club. Knowing I hadn't much money, I took the cheaper meal - Alfredo. It's creamy shell pasta with mushrooms and ham slices, baked under a layer of cheese. It's really filling but you kinda get sick a bit because it's so creamy.

Since, I haven't seen them for quite some time, I got the latest updates and gossip from them. After dinner and settling utter disgraceful and petty matters, we went walking around the malls nearby. One of the funny things anyone ever asked me came from Jin Hui. We were passing the clothes section in Isetan and he asked me why I don't wear a skirt or dress.

And, he pointed to a green sleeveless, show-cleavage" dress with black patterns all over it. I told him I don't even think that that dress was nice. It looks a bit like wearing a dress with polka dots except the patterns on this dress weren't circular.
Then, I said "I hang out with you guys. I'm the only girl. If you guys suddenly up and did some boyish things (I have no idea what they are), I will be very inconvenient. You know wearing a skirt or a dress, topped with heels."

Then, there were moments I'm just quiet. Guys and guys talking about army stuff. Ronald is always quiet. I don't think he's paying attention to it. And, I'm quiet. Later, these people noticed I was quiet and asked why. Then, they say I caught Ronald's influence. -.-

After Qi Jun left for his project, there was 5 of us. Haoyu made me call Joanne to ask her out. Dennis picked up the phone. For a second, I was surprised. Discussing what we do next, everyone ended up agreeing to go meet Dennis and Joanne at Boon Keng, her home place. All except Ronald, whose house is way too far and we were worried he couldn't catch the last bus or train home. We all sat at Mac. These time, the guys talked about more army stuff, with the addition of Dennis.

Well, I wasn't bored. I and Joanne talked. Talked about stuff; some clean and some dirty (you get the picture). What can I say? She's the only friend I can easily talk about such things =D

Overall, I enjoyed myself. Too bad we couldn't do more activities. We all were kinda broke. And, for the first time, I kind of want to take neoprints with these people. Yeah, I don't really take neoprints 'cos I don't think I look good in pictures but I think somehow it doesn't matter anymore. At the end, I reached home at 12am. I couldn't stay with them of course. But this time, I didn't sulk over that. Maybe I've become matured? Or it could be because I know my responsibilties that I got work the next day? I hope "matured" is the reason.

Good news is that my dad said if I'm going out with friends like Haoyu and want to stay out a bit late, it's fine but not too late and someone has to send me home. You hear that, Gek Poh? I've complained about that everytime we go out with the rest. I guess talking about my good friends and the people I mostly hang out with to my folks kind of got to them that these people are okay and can be trusted to a certain degree. I hope I can go drinking with them next time and just chat. I look forward to that day where I stay out late with Joanne, Dennis and the other members of the Fantastic 4 ...

Work woes and emotional woes

2009-01-22T09:36:00.000-08:00

Recently, been benkyou o shimasu. Yesterday night, I slept at 2.30am just to complete masking for one of the characters in DCM Assignment 3; only to find out that there's no other solutions to mask the reflections on the marble floor. That means I gotta do a new mask from the beginning for the reflection on the floor. Darn SK's marble floor!

Now, I'm typing on this blog after finishing (for now unless there's changes) a script for a skit for GEMS Assignment 2. It's difficult writing a script. The topic is resilience factors for our GEMS class Psychology & Counselling. And, yup, I write it out so I gotta go dig relevant info. out. I must characterise the characters, create relevant problems, draw out resonable conclusions.

I'm already sleepy 'cos of yesterday but blasting Nickelback's rock songs seem to help a little. Too bad no help go to the "me" who was in Jap class. I was falling asleep. Besides, the share of assignment woes, there's the emotional woes. Nothing sad actually.

More like "given up" resolve and "can't be bothered" attitude is mutating into pure Distaste and people (or particularly the "Dramas") withdrawal symptoms. Tired of chasing after "Dramas" and fruitless attempts to reign control. Concerns and Determination to take actions are withdrawing. Tolerance for the first time sprung out of its usual place. Simple actions draw out the knot tying Tolerance down. And, let's not forget the discovery of the empty emotions. The "Hitori" feeling slowly fades away where Numbness takes place. An empty shell surfaces when dealing with the existence of the "Dramas". Mutation is fast evolving inside. Immunity to defend, in a sense, has been taken down. Soon, the System will reject "Dramas'" influence and aura. And, welcomes the day where the System is no longer distracted nor feels Distaste towards actions and words of the "Dramas".

Holy shit, what's that above?! Despite being sleepy, I typed out what I felt in the most unusual way. Emotions become real living characters in my description. I guess I haven't lost the touch to write weird stuff. Or should I say this is the first time I've written about things in such a manner. I guess Emotions are really something. They drive me to write peculiar stuff. Anyway, ganbatte to my System and Emotions. I still need you guys for the following weeks. I'll give a good reward during the holidays - 3 days of endless yaoi manga/anime reading/watching =D

Pieces

2009-01-14T05:19:00.000-08:00

Broke my favourite perfume bottle, Glow by JLo this morning. Such a waste. It was my favourite among the set of 4 mini Glow perfume bottles. Plus, it was a birthday present from my half sister, Gail. Found out the actual price for a medium size bottle is like $61 or $69 near my place. Man, now I gotta use the others instead. Pieces ... can't be brought back nor pieced together again ...

Meanwhile, I've started watching a cartoon series I always wanted to watch but did not really have a chance to- Ben 10. Childish, huh? However, I think the story and characters are awesome. The main character Ben and his grandfather, Max are interesting characters. And, Gwen who is Ben's cousin, is my favourite character. She rocks in martial arts and magic. And, she looks hot in the sequel, Ben 10: Alien Force. Go, Gwen!

Note to self

2009-01-13T02:27:00.000-08:00

Note to self:
- It is Week 14 of Sem. 2 now
- Come up with a treatment for video opening sequence by next Mon
- Complete MLP Powerpoint Presentation by next Wed
- Complete effects for PVFX by Week 16
- Complete effects for DCM
- Complete 3D Camera Mapping Assignment
- Get a rough idea of a end credit seq for PVFX
- Revise Japanese class work
- Owe Pala a movie
- Need new clothes
- Go out for meal with Shirley after resignation
- Go out for meal with Auntie Ann after her resignation
- Try to do snow painting
- Cast away kudaranai kansou
- Download the remaining Junjou Romantica eps
- Catch Skip Beat, Kuroshitsuji, Katekyoushi Hitman Reborn eps
- Resume watching Naruto Shippuden
- Get the 3rd Kathy Reichs novel: Deadly Decisions
- Stock up on yaoi manga as they're all read and run out
- Become a hitoe hatarakichuudoku

I'd just realised I got quite a list of Note-to-selfs and had to put them down. Ganbatte to myself on completing them ... Ikou! Ikou!

Killer wounds

2009-01-07T06:05:00.001-08:00

On Monday, we had a bit of a mini practical make-up (cosmetic type) class during our Production Design class. It was interesting making someone look older, like a beggar, had a big gashing cut and a bullet/ cigarette burn on the arm. And, here are the pictures, taken from Kai An's hp (my hp low megapixel):

Our teacher, Jennifer Ang doing a demo and explaination

Sabo Suan Kai and he had to have this big cut "wound" on the back of his hand

Sam wound up with "blisters" derived from "burns"

Kevin had a burn on his arm

Kevin also had the chance to look older and like a homeless guy

Me and Oi Keat trying out on her arm. Didn't look convincing at first.

Adding the "burn" marks

Wa la! Our final piece! Not sure if we added too much "blood" ...

That's Oi Keat. After that, she didn't wash the "wound" off but succeed in scaring her hostel friends

Ahmad had a cut done by Zul. This one sure looks real ...

Zul managed to age so much with the help of Sharifah who applied the long moustache and beard on him

In addition, today's PVFX test is over. We made it through. An Zai managed to not get out of the room half an hour after the test was commenced. Hope we won't get too low marks. That's all I'm expecting. With low expectations, better emotion control =D

Production Design Meeting

2008-12-27T06:27:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, my group had its meeting with two of the members from our DMAT group. The music composed for our video was not bad. We wound up the meeting in about 2-3 hours.

Then, we started discussion for our set design. We had to redo it. The clay stuck in between the vanguard sheets did not work. The sheets felt went and sunk in, causing our flats to be deformed. We decided to use different materials instead so we had to buy new ones. Hence, we dropped off all the materials and our bags at Oi Keat's hostel, ate our lunch and took a bus to IMM.

At IMM, we went to Daiso and Popular in search for our materials. It was a rather funny experience as we kept getting seperated while looking around and Kai An (aka An Zai) had to go around searching or call us back. He said he felt like a "nai ma" (nanny in Chinese). He was really high that day, saying things like material costs he will cover. His reason was that it's Christmas and time for giving. Some of us were a bit tired and he tried to get us into higher spirits.

Then, we went to Mini Toons. An Zai suggested we get handphone straps together. We chose the ones we wanted and he paid for all of them! Thanks for the gift, Shuai Ge! After that, we went back to Oi Keat's hostel and started doing work. We had an entertaining and smooth time doing work. It was partly due to music played while working and An Zai's entertaining jokes. I had an enjoyable time pretending that the wooden sticks were joss sticks and using them to "pray" to Suan Kai. It was around 7.30pm by the time we decided to wrap up and go home.

Below are the pictures for that day; note that the duck is An Zai's, black furry thingy is Oi Keat's, brown dog is Sam's, mini metal Sheep is Suan Kai's and the black coffin is mine:

Merry X'Mas!

2008-12-25T07:28:00.000-08:00

Merry X'Mas people, 'tis the season to be jolly. Time to wine and dine. It's no exception for me as well. On the 24th December, eve of Christmas, I and 3 friends from the karate club went out to catch a movie and enjoy a dinner. Though it was a last minute gathering of human resources and the response was low, the outing was still enjoyable and fun.

At 6.30pm, I and Dennis Jr. (aka Gek Poh) met at The Cathay to get our tickets. Tickets for the movie, Bedtime Stories at 9.35pm was selling fast. Fortunately, we managed to escape sitting at the first row facing the screen. We chose the second row. Really hadn't a choice ...

Next, we hunted for places to eat at Plaza Singapura while waiting for Jin Hui and my good friend, Haoyu to arrive. By the way, Gek Poh is the one sitting beside me during dinner. Haoyu is the one with a shaved head that shouts out "I'm serving NS!". Jin Hui is the one in specs and looks a bit like Doppy from Snow White (to me). Surprisingly, we are the same group of people who watched the Thai movie, Chocolate after a friend's birthday a few months ago. We settled for Pizza Hut when everyone had arrived and had to wait for 45 minutes to be seated.

Gek Poh was hungry so we tried going to Carrefour to source for samples. They normally have bread samples but that night, there weren't any samples left. Hence, we bought sushi, squeezed a packet of popcorn into my bag to sneak in to the cinema, tasted wine samples before going back to Pizza Hut. I found a bottle of wine which I would like to have at the wine fair. I forgot its name but I'm attracted to its name. It's Deva (..sth) Solitude. Perfect for me!

Then, we had dinner at Pizza Hut. We ordered the Surprise (or was it "Christmas") Feast. Enough for 4 of us. It consisted of 4 glasses of Strawberry Jingle, Christmas Platter, Salad, Soup and two Pizzas; one of them being the Hawaiian Pizza and the other one I apparently did not notice the name. We rushed through dinner to make it in time for the movie as we wanted to watch trailers.

Bedtime Stories was really enjoyable and funny. The movie was picked by me to watch after getting a last minute call for a X'Mas gathering. What better way to spend X'Mas laughing over a comedy movie? Anyway, the 4 of us enjoyed ourselves and hope you folks out there enjoyed yourselves too. Merry X'Mas!

Favourite time of the year

2008-12-18T07:28:00.000-08:00

X'Mas. My favourite time of the year. Compared to other festivals I celebrate, Christmas is my favourite time of the year. Ah ... the decorations (at Orchard, of course) ... the lights (again at Orchard) ... the atmosphere (besides Orchard the other shopping malls as well) ... the spirit of giving ... and of course, the spirit of spending (oiiee ...)

Decorations, lights and Christmas trees; I've seen them. Atmosphere; I feel that everytime I go to the malls at this time. Spirit of giving; I'm feeling it now. I would like to give a present to my good friend. Maybe a box of cookies. I was at Esplanade for the make-up session and my sis's friend mentioned about a shop selling nice cookies. I checked it out and they even provided tiny whole cookie samples! It was at the corner right beside the entrance to the taxi drop off stand.

I first tried a blueberry cookie which the sales girl recommended and promoted as their best sellers. It was nice, chewy and sweet but not too sweet; just right. Next, is the rose flavored cookie. The taste was light but the fragrance of the rose was evident. "Romantic" was the word which popped into my mind as a description for the taste. Too bad I hadn't enough money so I left, saying I'll come back near the X'mas time (which I would really do so). I wish to find one type of cookie suitable for a male (my good friend's male) and if possible, mint-flavored because it's his favourite flavor.

On the other hand, I spent money buying accessory for the second time. My first time was a ring from Perlini Silver for myself. This time, I found a earring I thought was quite cool and stylish and bought it. It was the kind of earring I was looking for like two, three years ago but was unsuccessful. It's silver thick width earring with a small vector design on it. And, I'm surprised my ear hole hasn't caved in after a few years of not wearing a earring.

In addition, I got a surprise today. I got two gifts. I thought it was something my dad bought which was a bit unusual. It turned out to be from my older half sis, Gail. She gave X'mas presents to all of us and birthday presents for me and my sis, Maria.

I got a white lady bag for my first X'mas present of the year. It's quite useful and convenient, considering its spacious interior; just how I like it.

My belated present was a box of GLOW by JLO. It's a set of perfume. There's 4 bottles- Glow, Miami Glow, Love at first Glow, Glow after Dark. Cool names, huh? And, though I'm not the type who's so girlish but I quite like this gift. It's the first time I received perfume and I quite like the fragrance. I'm gonna start using it except for the bottle of Love at first Glow and Miami Glow. Love at first Glow for a first date and Miami Glow for charming and seduction (if I can even pull that off) ... Heehee ...

Twilight review

2008-12-16T08:12:00.001-08:00

As promised, here's my review of the movie, Twilight:

I feel that the movie is not bad. The visual effects were nice, especially at the scene where the bad vampire, James fights with Edward and later, the rest of the Cullen family join in. However, I think that scene, being the only scene full of action should have been extended longer.

The actors and actresses- Kristen Stewart (Bella Swan) and Robert Pattison (Edward Cullen) fits the image of the characters of the novel nicely. The only thing lacking is the portrayal of the characters. When I read the novel, I felt that Edward was cautious around Bella but he oozes confidence when he talks. As for Bella, she can be a little shy, but when it comes to things that she cannot give way, she is stubborn and stands firm on her ground. In the movie, I did not see this coming out more strongly from the characters portrayed.

The dialogue and portrayal of other characters like Edward's family members can be funny at some part. One thing I feel should be further worked on is the dialogue. Many of the dialogues from the novel were cut short. There were long pauses between the characters' dialogues. I think they wanted to emphasis on the tension between the characters and their emotions. Hence, it gave me the feel of watching the movie, Brokeback Mountain. Both were similar in the way the movie is done. They were slow developing.

The trailer for the movie is exciting. The sound effects and music made it look exciting and something to look forward to. However, I think those exciting parts made the movie look less interesting when the audience watches it. I think they gave away too much exciting parts in the trailer.

Despite all that, I still enjoyed the movie. If I have a chance, I would like to watch it again. Afterall, it's a movie from the novel series I read. I hope and I think there will be a sequel to the movie. It's quite evident from the last scene in the movie where James's partner Victoria moves away from the window. She had been watching Edward and Bella dance. The scenes closes with her descending the stairs with a serious, grim, looks-like-gonna-get-revenge-soon face. Spoiler alert, ya?

I will recommend this movie to fans of the novels and those curious about why people are so "up" about the movie and the novels. It's a purely vampire romance movie with a teensy bit of action which increases in the subsequent novels. Not many boys are fans of romance but I'm sure their girlfriends will drag them with them. I hope everyone, including females and males, enjoys the movie and hopes for the best that there's a sequel and premieres early >.<

What I did last chalet

2008-12-14T10:39:00.000-08:00

What I did last chalet:

Day 1:
Went to esplanade for town children (girls) make-up but did no make-up. The children had done some themselves with some touch-up from the parent volunteer who arrived early because of her performing children. Had pepperlunch dinner and fried mars bars from Chippy British Takeaway for dessert. Then, went to Downtown East where my family is staying at its chalets. Being tired and lazy, I lay down on my bed waiting for my siblings to get tired of playing Mortal Kombat on my malay cousin, Raffino's PS2. Finally, they went to bed and I can sleep ...

Day 2:
Played at the arcade in after lunch. Had fun playing the drum with jap music machine and a new machine which is like a japanese song jukebox. Failed miserably on the Dance Dance Revolution machine. In the evening, started bbq with my family. I did more bbq-ing so I think I could not work much of an appetite and ate little than I expected. Almost burned my thumb because of the lighter while lighting firestarters.

Food included in the bbq were sotong, chilli stingray, corn, chicken wings, sausages, crabsticks, prawns and beef patties (for making burgers). As for drinks, we bought 2 bottles of rootbeer, coffee packets and my dad had our unfinished bottle of red wine brought to the chalet. Raffino and my 2nd younger sister, Mariam, who I just call "Ayam" tried red wine for the first time. Both thought it tasted like medicine. They then tried mixing rootbeer with red wine to dilute the bitterness. I tried that concoction myself. I think it tastes better with the rootbeer. 1/2 rootbeer. 1/2 red wine. Alcoholic and sweet ...

Found out that Twilight sneaks in the Cathay cinema at Downtown East on that day. I booked tickets for a 1.40am screening. Then, played Motor Kombat and watch Raffino play Devil May Cry 3 while waiting for 1.40am to arrive. Devil May Cry looks interesting. I'll probably try watching the anime when I get back home.

As for how Twilight turned out for me, I'll elaborate in the next post.

Day 3:
Woke up real late. Was tired and sleepy from the previous night activities. Felt full easily after eating takoyaki that my mum bought for me while I was asleep. I guess part of the reason for feeling full easily was because of the red wine. I think I drank more red wine or should I say more alcoholic drink than any other time.

Was supposed to go bowling but there were like 21 people on the waiting list so we decided to go back to our rooms. While my lil' bro was swimming, or should I say floating with my dad, my aunt, Raffino, my two other sisters and me snuck out to eat waffles with ice-cream. Was supposed to play pool after that but I did not bring my IC. We could not play the arcade either because we did not bring our tapz card with us.

After dinner, we went to play the arcade while waiting for a bowling lane to be available for us. Got smses from Haoyu, asking if I want to watch "Bolt". Gonna get blanjah by him since I did not have not enough cash plus the fact he's using me as a human shield for certain reasons. Then, went bowling and I was winner for the first game. My cousin won the 2nd game. My 1st younger sister, Maria which I just call "Adek" won the 3rd and last game. I also finally got a strike at the last game.

And, now, I'm back in the room typing this post. Listened to Silverstein's "Rain Will Fall" for the second time. I quite like that song despite being new to this band's music. Finally, I'll end my post here and do something else. I'll probably sleep or something, since tomorrow I gotta check out by 10am and meet Haoyu at Bugis at 1.30pm. Zzzz ...

Ill in mind and body

2008-12-08T03:43:00.000-08:00

Sick. Ill. Unwell. Feeble. Tired. Weary. Drained. Whatever. It just totals up to the fact that I'm down with a cold. My nose has been crying non-stop since Saturday. I've taken two small pills for cold and got knocked out since 1am last night, waking up at around 11.30am this morning. I was all groggy and my back ached like hell. And, that's ill in body.

As for ill in mind, I feel so despicable. I'm ashamed of myself. My pride. My ugliness. When I felt that I was stripped of the only ability I had, I felt so upset. I feel even more miserable when the other party was helping out of kindness and pureness. Torn between wanting to get angry at someone and reasoning with my mind's logic, I had to control myself and the bursting emotions. Urgh. I felt like crap ...

I need to be more reasonable and logical. I should learn to shut out unwanted emotions. A little unemotional I should be ...

PS. I'm in need of the third Kathy Reich's novel!! I finished both novels already. I'm hungry for the next one and I wanna find out if there's any progression between Tempe Brennan and Detective Andrew Ryan >.<

And, I've just found out my pri. 3 lil' bro is a masochistic. He says he doesn't consider my sister, Maria as a sister 'cos she keeps on kissing him. He says he hates that. And, I ask if he prefers me hitting his head -> (my fetish with young round heads) and his answer was positive. He enjoys gettin' hit on the head by me. He can sit and continue looking at the same yaoi manga page I read and asks me to go to the next page! -> either he turns homophobic or gay. I hope it's the latter ...

Reading Junkie

2008-12-02T00:32:00.000-08:00

Been doing some reading since assignments were cleared up on Friday. I started with some light reading of yaoi doujinshis featuring Lelouche X Suzaku. <- Yes, people, finally you get to see my R-rated hobby featured on this blog.

Then, on hearing there was a book fair at Bras Besar Complex, selling second hand books, I went there during the weekends. I searched books after books for the title I was looking for. On the Saturday, before going to work, I went to Times and saw Kathy Reich's latest novel and felt like giving her a first novel, Deja Dead a try.

Who Kathy Reich is, you ask? She's the producer/creator behind my favourite American TV series, Bones. It features a female anthropologists, Dr Temperance Brennan and her "at-first-reluctant-for-her-to-be-involved" FBI partner, Seeley Booth. Together, they unearth bones, comb decomposed/mutilated bodies for clues, solve mysteries, get the bad guys and unearth more bones.

Back to the first novel, Deja Dead; I managed to find the very same book, still in good condition at the book fair priced at $1.00!! The retail price at normal book stores would be like $18-$25.00!! I also managed to get the second novel, Death Du Jour at the same price of $1.00!! Lucky me ...

And, now, I'm more than half way through with the first novel. I've been reading in between lessons and mrt rides. I'm trying to get my fast reading pace back. It's really been a while since I sat down to enjoy a nice book. Of course, not everyone would say this is a nice book, considering the fact that it's a mystery-thriller story with dismembered, mutilated corpses/bones and serial killings. I'd just described the features of the corpse found in the story to Suan Kai today and he told me to read a normal book.

If anyone wants to know the description of the corpse in the story, here's it: The female victim was beaten to death. Her belly was slit and her left breast had been sliced off and forced into her mouth. A metal statue had been rammed up her vagina. Whereas, in the other victims found, they had their wrists cut off and two of them had a plunger and a knife shoved up you-know-where while they were still conscious. Sounds sick, huh?

Well, I can cope with the detail imagination but not things like that shoved suddenly in front of my face, like one scene in the movie, Quarantine I watched with Zaidi. I was expecting the zombie and when it came out only when I let my guard down after waiting for it to appear for a while. That really took me by surprise and made me shout. Yes, shout. Not scream. And, I did not grab the arm of the person sitting beside me, if that's what anyone wanted to hear ... Heehee

Anyway, I can take it easy for a while now. Therefore, I'm gonna like sit back, relax, grab books after books and maintain a mode of Reading Junkie.

Work to the max!

2008-11-28T07:01:00.000-08:00

Ah, we're finally finished the 4 assignments due for this entire week. Finally ... I can get some proper sleep, rest and relaxation (for now).

However, I cannot let my guard down yet. We've still got more assignments coming up. My group has to film our Digital Matting & Compositing assignment, start working on Media Law & Policy Assignment 2: Computer Misuse Act and construct a mini model of a production set of a more than 4-room flat and resume the work on our Production for Visual Effects assignment footage.

Much work to be done ... And, when we're done with these, maybe I can start or possibly start on a filming project with Zaidi during the "oh-so-events-packed" holidays (provided a story idea can be thought of) ...

Work ... Working ... Work to the max!

Totally game!

2008-11-24T07:48:00.000-08:00

Received some good news today. It seems that Mr Quek and the teachers involved in allocating ITP for us, students have changed their decision. We can take ITP as a class (however we're taking it first while the other class do their FYP)!! And, that means I get to go to the group I want to go to for FYP! I am confirmed to be in Zaidi's group! There's gonna be me, Zaki, Zaidi and Affa and we're still waiting for another member...

And, though he warned of hardcore filming, it sounded more of a promise to me. HARDCORE FILMING!! I'm really anticipating and excited about it. You should see the stars in my eyes! (though I doubt anyone can see) Now, that is where real filming begins! I'm game for that. Totally game!

On top of that, if anyone hasn't noticed; yes, I've cut my hair. It's short and more comfortable. I asked the hairdresser to cut it short, make it thin and let my fringe stay long. Makes me look like neither a guy nor a girl, huh? Well, that's what my colleague said and it's actually pleasing to hear that. Sharifah saw that I cut my hair short and reacted with "Bastard sia". Ah, just the reaction I wanted to hear ... Hahaha ...

Mind Flunctating

2008-11-19T00:49:00.000-08:00

Haiz, by the time I realise, assignments has poured in and there is much to do. Next Monday, the set design for Production Design is to be presented and handed up. And, some time around next week, the HDR image with a 3D model is also to be handed up.

Besides being noob and confused over the set floor plans, I keep thinking and changing 3D models to model. First, it was the mecha Shinkirou from Code Geass R2. Then, it was the character Namame from the manga Mysterious Play: Gaiden (sth). And, now, here I am in T2054, modelling the helmet of the mecha Shinkirou. Nuts, huh?

Hence, I've decided that I'll do a customised god-knows-what 3D model, which I give thanks to Zaidi who put that into my head a few days ago. Meanwhile, there's good news for me. Because of the Twilight trailer I put on this blog and set it to auto-play, Zaidi has been psychoed to watch the trailer. Yay! I reeled in another Twilight-movie-interested person.

Back to the 3D model, I'm still thinking what to create with the different parts that I've modelled so far (very little really). Should I make a knight with weird armour? Or something else?

Flunctating ... flunctating ... mind flunctating ...

HL Milk Snatching

2008-11-15T07:32:00.000-08:00

Work at my part-time job today. It was boring since there weren't much customers. The only interesting thing was that the cleaner uncle told my supervisor that the HL Milk in the fridge, specially for Sudoku players, is open for public to take.

Of course, my supervisor ordered me to take some for us to drink. I came back with 4 normal plain HL milk cartons. Not sure if she needed more, I took a No. 3 plastic bag from the shop and went back to get more. I came back with 12 more strawberry-flavored HL milk in the plastic bag. I was wearing my uniform carrying the shop's plastic bag. I was also the tallest one among the other people snatching the milk. I guess long arms and legs does have its usefulness, huh?

Twilight

2008-11-08T07:57:00.001-08:00

Twilight. Movie I'm looking forward to. It premieres in US on 21st November 2008 and for Singapore, the premiere date is 18 December 2008. Can't wait for it to come out!! I keep watching the trailers and listen to the songs that's in the soundtrack. By the way, the song featured on my blog (the "Muse" area) is from the Twilight Movie Soundtrack. I have even downloaded the wallpaper and put it as my laptop desktop wallpaper. >.< My december is gonna be great with the premiere of this movie and if I'm nuts, I may watch it like several times and hopefully not that many times (or I'll go broke) like Sam who watched HSM3 like 6 or 7 times -.-''

And, here's the Twilight movie trailer below:

Twilight Trailer [NEW!]-Summit-Twilight-Stephanie Meyers

Wasted Self; Piri Piri; Emotion Test

2008-11-07T07:58:00.000-08:00

Went out today. Felt like I wasted my time. I met Karen at the library on the 7th floor. I lent her my hard disk so she could transfer the things she wanted to print. Then, went to DPI at Sunshine Plaza. She encountered problems; called her partner, Lawrence for help; he managed to come to help; got their printing done; and we took a taxi to school. I decided to accompany her and thought we could have lunch together.

However, settling the homework, presentation and debriefing took longer than I expected and by the time it's done, it was around 4pm plus. I missed my lunch. I only had a chocolate muffin at noon. And, at 4pm plus, I took a light snack- fries, chocolate donut, nescafe because I had dinner plans at 7.45pm. I sat there eating alone, thinking I totally wasted my afternoon. I had things to do which I haven't got around to doing it:

- script for a skit for GEMS assignment
- production design model (again -.-)
- digitising and editing my japan fish market footage

I'm nuts. I haven't started on any of them. Totally wasteful of me. Got fed up on myself. And, no, Karen, it's not your fault. It's my own. I can refuse to lend you my hard disk but I went ahead anyway.

Anyway, I also learn that things have gotten a bit edgy among some people. Wow, that sucks when I heard what happened. Oh well, "shit happens" as Joanne always like to say. Can't do anything about it ... Immatures will be immatures ...

On the other hand, my night plans perked me up. I met Haoyu, Dennis and Joanne for dinner at Orchard. Haoyu still owed me a meal and I needed to pass him his stuff so we met. All of us had dinner at The Coffee Club. It was my first time there. And, yes, Haoyu, I'm sua ku. I got little experience with restaurants and cafes.

At Coffee Club, I ordered "Piri Piri Chicken" (poor dish; having such a name; must be shy to face the other dishes who have normal names) and an "Ice Mocha Vanilla". They both tasted not bad. Enjoyed my time there. And, boy, Joanne's real cheery today. Totally understand what her smile towards me was about. She also kept playing with the ice in her milkshake and asked about guys wearing underwear during NS training in the forest at the dinner table.

It's cool not caring about the whole decent etiquette when with friends and just talk about anything that comes to mind (like when Dennis mentioned about me jacking off instead of trying smoking while we were waiting for Haoyu) ... that was really retarded ... even if I wanted to do anything like that, it's im-po-ssi-ble, given my current no-closing-of-bedroom-doors and somewhat overprotective, conservative settings ... hee ... hee ...

It was also surprising to know Dennis once smoked. Hah ... learnt about it when Joanne mentioned it while smoking as we waited for Haoyu to arrive. She let me had one puff as well. Shh ...

Then, we went walking around Paragon and The Heeren and started heading home. I, on the other hand, walked to Plaza Singapura to get some a drink and "sui shi masu" stuff for myself. It was 11.30pm when I got home. And, I found Sam had forwarded me an email titled "Emotion Test". These were the questions:

1. Which is your favorite color out of: red, black, blue, green , or yellow?
2. Your first initial?
3. Your month of birth?
4. Which color do you like more, black or white ?
5. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
6. Your favorite number?
7. Do you like Flying or Driving more?
8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?
9. Write down a wish (a realistic one).

And, here were my answers and what they meant:

1. Black- you are conservative and agressive (conservative NOT, agressive sometimes but which area is it implying?)
2. M- you try to enjoy your life to the max n ur love life is soon to blossom (true, except for the love part)
3. October- your love life will not be great, but eventually you will find your soul mate (oh great, love life sucks like hell ... oh well, not that I'm urgent for one and I may change to becoming a bi- before "Prince-o-Charming" comes along)
4. Black- your life will take on a diff direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you and you will be glad for the change
5. Samantha- this person is your best friend (ooh ... sam will be pleased ...lol)
6. No.8- this is how many close friends you have in your lifetime
7. Driving- you are a laid back person
8. Lake- you are loyal to your friends and very reserved (totally not true)
9. A house for myself to live in alone- send to people for wish to come true.

And, now I'm gonna forward this to Haoyu, Dennis and Joanne just for the fun of it ...

Saying something I should have never thought (or said)

2008-11-06T01:12:00.000-08:00

Blog post for Wednesday, 5th Nov'08:

School:

Rather eager about a new assignment. My group's story, storyboard and visual effects breakdown shots were accepted by our Digital Compositing & Matting sensei, Kenny Ong. Now, we can get started on doing the animatics. I'm hyped up about this upcoming film. I think it's gonna turn out better than the other production at hand, "Miss Ah Long". So sorry to our Production For Visual Effects sensei, Jeanine if it really turns out like that.

Meanwhile, I'm gonna write a script for my GEMS class, Psychology & Counselling Assignment. We have to do a skit for the assignment. And, it's gonna be a lame and comical one. Oh boy, this is gonna be a challenge. My first time writing a comedy. Looking forward to how it turns out ...

On the other hand, Sam didn't come to school today. It's gonna be almost 2 weeks she's m.i.a. She said on her blog that she's gonna come today and even asked me what time school started on Wednesday just yesterday. What's going on with her? I know she's depressed over certain stuff and she was also not feeling well once within this almost 2 weeks. Friends are asking about her, even Kenny Ong too.

I'm feeling foul. And, I sms her just now with one obviously-not-too-happy, maybe even angry message. Wanted to stop myself from doing so but went ahead anyway. This was what I said:

"Didn cum 2 sch 2day. Again. U said u were cumin in ur blog. U asked me wad time sch started. Wads ur reason? Stil in depression? U noe wad u miss? U noe wads going on? Did u noe we started discussin kenny's hwk? We even fin d script, storyboard n did reaserach 4 vfx shot breakdown. We stil gt media law hwk 2 hand in nxt week. Ur m.i.a. 4 almos 2 weeks. Some of us wonder wad ur doing n when ur bac. Honestly, pls take some responsibility n consider our tots. N yes i sound angry. Mayb i am. im feeling stupid n tired 4 wad i did. I called, sms, xpect u 2 cum 2 sch bt u do nt. Im mad tat someone doesn reali bother bou this. I tink i'v said enough. I cn say worse tigs bt im nt going 2. We're stil waitin 4 u 2 cum bac. Pls dun disappoint us."

That's like 4 or 5 messages long. Sounds like I'm lecturing huh? I don't even know if I got the right to do so. No one's lecturing her and I take it into my own hands. However, her reply was surprisingly fast. I expected the reply to come after a long time or even none at all. Here's her reply:

"Ok, i noe i noe. I will go sch Tmr."

My reply was, "Hope u keep tat in mind."

Sounds cold? But I'm tired of the let-down expectations but I can't leave this matter alone. What would you do if it's your friend? Would you let her just continue like this, eventually letting her fail her modules?

Oneself:

Nutcracker 2008 Gonna get involved. Volunteered myself to be a make-up artist and gonna go through training this Sat at S'pore Dance Theatres. The cast I'll be applying the make-up for will be the village children (girls) in the Nutcracker. Gonna learn some stuff about make-up and maybe I can apply to film-making.

Music:

Found the mp3 file for Paramore's song "Decode". It's included in the soudntrack of the upcoming and i-eagerly-anticipating vampire romance movie, "Twilight". Another of their song, "I caught myself" sounds nice too. I personally like one part of the song:

"Now when I caught myself
I had to stop myself
I'm saying something that I should have never thought
Now when I caught myself
I had to stop myself
I'm saying something that I should have never thought of you (of you)"

Listening to "I caught myself" reminds me of someone. And, I push the thoughts away. I gotta forget about it and concentrate on work, work, work ... Now when I caught myself ... I had to stop myself ...

Unfortunate soul

2008-11-06T01:08:00.000-08:00

Last Wednesday, I had a suppose-to-be okay day but something messed it up. Lessons from 12pm were okay. Oh yeah, I announced to the friends I hang out with, Oi Keat, Suan Kai and Kai An, that I had my first puff just the day before. Their reactions told me that they are good friends. For Oi Keat, she went, "You dare to smoke. You're not my friend." in Chinese.

And, Kai An asked if I really smoked in which I replied I don't think so 'cos I haven't learn the right way of smoking yet. He point out though that smoking is bad. Suan Kai was adamant or maybe apathetic on this topic.

The break in between my Production Design class was fun. I hung out with a group I seldom hang out. They were classmates which I don't often interact.

However, one of them caught my attention on the topic of transvetites. Her story of having a gay friend and the gay friend being jealous and all was fascinating. And, I related my share of a brief description of an interesting friend who was bisexual ...

When classes were over, I went to the karate clubroom to pack my stuff. I'm returning the key to Jin Hui. I guess that means I'm no longer training. There's no motivation for me. No girls my age are there. Nothing to really look forward to. Dennis Jr met me at the FC 5 foyer where I was waiting for Jin Hui. He asked me to stay and wait, then eat dinner together. I agreed and spent my time trying to research on my visual effects sequence on Ronald's laptop.

After the karate grading, I went with Dennis Jr, Jin Hui, Ronald, Bao Qiang and a new guy Joseph for dinner at Clementi. Normal kopitiam. I guess my chance of eating Botak Jones is not with them, but maybe with other people?

It was like 10 plus when I finish dinner. I was enjoying the nostalgic dinner-cum-conversation with them when a single phone call disturbed my space. It was my mum. This was our conversation:

Mum: Where are you?

Sa: Having dinner.

Mum: So late having dinner? What time your class end?

Sa: 6pm. I waited for my friends.

Mum: You better come back straight. Don't make this a habit.

- Click. End of conversation -

There you go. It's not even 11.30pm. She made it like a latest time I should be back is 11.30pm. However, everytime I'm out around 10 plus and I never call home, she would call me to ask my whereabouts. Her tone and words were like accusing me that I did this late night outings most of the time, which in fact, I did not.

Boy, this is just one out of the many reasons I want to be a boy. I'm created wrongly. And, I really wished to have a cigarette after that conversation, just for an act of rebellion and maybe to calm my heart (in which until I slept that very night, felt weird ever since the conversation). I think something in me screwed off after hearing her words. The words that were and ARE like a curse and a command I'm forced to obey.

Whoever said that children with families and are well-fed, well-clothed should be fortunate; they certainly thought and said it wrongly. They forgot to think of the problems the child faces while growing up and the emotional struggles they go through.

Whether the African children has not enough food and are malnutrioned or whether children should be fortunate for being well-fed etc.; both have their fair share of problems. Life was never fair to begin with ...

I'm getting tired of seeing my family. Is this something a child who's given food, clothes, shelter, materials should be saying? Maybe I'm selfish. Yes, I probably am. I've been imagining and fantasizing alot of living in a house or maybe rent a room, where I'm alone. My personal space where I can work and come back to, without having to feel like "I'm frowning. I better ease up my facial expression." (which I tend to do so when I get back home).

Heck, I've been in a family of 6 with so many noise and activities for 18 years? I really desire to be alone? I don't mind a roomate or two, who are friends with me. If I could have one wish right now, it would be that I have my own apartment. It doesn't matter if it's small. A bed positioned right beside a small wooden space where I can put small items, located slightly below the window; a study table with comfortable chair; a decent wardrobe; a bathroom in which bath tub is a must for my post stress-work period and if affordable the place must be hair-conditioned. Sounds more like a hotel rather than an apartment, doesn't it? I got this image ever since I stayed alone at my hotel room in Tokyo, in which I was so pleased with the living commendations.

That's a wish in which I doubt will happen any time soon. Heck, I think it can happen only like when I'm like 25, past the age of 21 and after I earned some money. Hah ... I guess I'll have this "fortunate" settings with clubbing limited to 11.30pm-12am and better-not-make-coming-back-home-late-a-habit and come back soon after classes routine until the ripe age of 21 ... bleh ...

Poor unfortunate soul ... just as the Jonas Brothers goes ... ...

Nicotine for writers

2008-11-05T23:36:00.000-08:00

Last sunday was damn boring at Funan Mall. Not much people. I dozed off behind the pastry warmer like 2 or 3 times.

The only thing that was interesting today was the discovery of smoking. Yes, I'm talking cigarette, nicotine, etc. lit with a lighter. Had to thank a colleague for spurring my interest. I heard lots of writers or artists smoke and they do get inspirations or manage to relax and calm themselves to think up new artistic ideas.

Hearing this, I just had to try one. Teachers or some education programmes or lectures always mention that one puff is all it takes to get addicted. However, they mention it wrong. One puff can't get you addicted. If you smoke many cigarettes, you get addicted easily. So, I thought I should not get addicted. If needed, I'll use it to get inspiration when I got a writer's block (not that I get many of that, 'cos I'm too lazy to write).

My colleague took me to a more isolated place. Took out one stick from her box of Viceroy Menthol. Showed me once, then let me try. I discovered 3 things:

1) The smell isn't as bad as I always imagined, hence I'm okay with experiencing it (smoking) again.

2) I'm a god damn noob at smoking. (I even held the stick wrong)

3) I still need practice 'cos I can't release the smoke from my nose like my colleague.

There I go, doing the "morally-bad" things in such a short time since I turned 18. Since becoming 18, I went clubbing which to my unfortunate blissful dismay; my mum requested me to be home by 11.30pm and my dad said 12am; and I only entered the club Arena at 10pm!

I did enjoyed my first time clubbing experience but not much 'cos I had to be wary of the time ... I can't let my guard down, let much relax. I swear I haven't inherited much of their genes or DNA, except for maybe my dad's. I think my dad had wild times which includes drinking, discos, cigarettes and sex.

Back to nicotine, HAH ... I'm gonna try doing that again. Shall wait 'til I get back my money before buying one pack and a lighter. Then, stash it. Smoke one stick for practice then stop and wait 'til I need it badly for inspiration or cool my head from rebellious immature angst. Last of all, cheers to NICOTINE FOR WRITERS!!!

Wake

2008-11-05T23:05:00.000-08:00

A poem "Wake" to commemorate the beginning, the "waking" of this blog:

"Wake"

Under a blanket of warm orange rays,
Nestled on a white sheet of sanctuary,
I awoke to find you next to me,
Deep in slumber, enjoying the ease.

Your quietscence I did not disturb,
But a feeling of warmth it did muster,
The need to touch you was non-existant,
For the only thing that matters is your existence.